Asttarte - Jenny (niseema) wrote in pagan_parents,
Asttarte - Jenny

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What Do I Do?

I just returned from a long day of running errands. I first went to AC Moore in Broomall, PA. I took V Sach with me today because his daddy just left to go to a workshop in Sedona, AZ - one that I've been waiting for him to take. more later on this.

I bought a couple water color blocks of paper and  2 watercolor books for professional painting, a pack of brushes and craft sponge sticks for children for Sach when he's a couple years older, 1 tiny brush for an oil painting I want to finish, and a pack of acrylic palette paper that helps keep the paint dry. I almost got a pad of tracing paper and thought about a book for drawing techniques and a book on animals, but I decided against them. They'll have to wait for another time. The professional artists books on watercolor painting was a huge step for me and one was 17.99 and the other was 21.99, plus the pad of paper and block of expense I was expecting as an artist but was enough.

I do have a drawing book on cartoon characters and animals already and several books with animals at home in Sach's baby book pile. This is all exciting and I am happy about this, but this is NOT what I am wondering WHAT TO DO about!

After AC Moore, I brought Sach over to the Pet Store right next to the AC Moore in the same shopping center in Broomall. My mission for the day was to go to:
AC Moore, then stop by the pet store to look at fish and look at options of what they have. I've been thinking about getting a fish tank to add some positive feng shui in my apartment and good flow of energy, plus the added element of water is good for cleansing and prosperity in feng shui. It's been a long long time since I studied feng shui, but I've been feeling the calling. Then i wanted to get groceries, since I was down to almost nothing from all the time I had taken off from working, and then stop by a nursery to get an aloe plant.

We walked in the pet store, and saw some amazing fish, and there were so many of them. It was so cute watching Sach point to all of them and smiling. It was if he was saying, "look", "what's that!", "ooh", and so on. Then I asked the worker if there were any other animals there. She said there were birds and gerbils in the middle. We started walking towards the middle, and I saw this huge sign that said, "CATS." I said to Sach, "hmm, she never said anything about cats." So, we walked over to them, and I eyed each one down. A couple of them had fur that were similar to all my old cats; there was an orange tabby like Patience, a white cat like Isis, a block and white one just like Gabrielle, and 2 cats that looked like Tihuti, but one of the two that looked like Tihuti...looked all too much like him. So, i stood there, watching this cat. At first he was sleeping. I looked over his coat and the spotting in it, his paws, the back ones, and the shape of his head. I stood a little long, and Sach was getting a little antsy. I asked one of the workers if there was any way she could get his attention so I could see his face. I said, "I just want to know if this is my cat." I gave up my cat Tihuti less than 9 months ago. The woman employee came over with me while I looked at the cat. I looked up at the name and it said, "Huey." and the birth date said, 04-0...I couldn't see the rest. I thought oh my god, it's the same same month, and I bet that the previous owners couldn't figure out how to pronounce the name so they called him something that sounded like it, Tihuti (Tihooty), for Huey; very similar. So, a dog came over and I let Sach out of the grocery cart. He walked up to the dog and let the dog give him kisses and pet the dog. We mingled with the owner and the store employee. The employee just adored Sach. Then  turned my head around and peeked over at the cat again. He turned around and faced the glass. I looked at his face closely. I watched his mannerisms, facial expressions, and body movements; the way he rolled on his back, and licked his lips, and the stare out into all was exactly like my cat.  And one of his front paws had a lot of white to it, and this cat did too. He had a brownish color on his belly, and this cat did too. I was curious to find out what year was on record this cat was born. So, the employee gave me a form to call a company that was in charge of the pets. She said that they have nothing to do with the cats, that volunteers come in from the Animal Adoption Agency and I would have to call them.

I was just thinking about Tihuti and wondering how he was, and was telling myself that I wished I never gave him up. He was the one cat out of my 4 that gave Sach the most attention, and is the reason I believe that Sach loves cats so much; even to this day. At the time i gave my cats up; I gave Patience away to an SPCA in West Chester, not knowing if he would be euthanized or adopted, and I had asked my dad to watch Isis for a little while, but I chose to keep Gabrielle and Tihuti, but after a while Tihuti started beating up on Gabrielle. He became the male dominant and she took the place of Isis as the one he picked on. So, they would fight all the time, and even though I wanted to keep them, I had to choose which one to keep. Gabrielle was pooping and peeing under my computer and I couldn't decide who to get rid of, so guidance told me to let them both go. On a moment of Gabrielle's release, which she was really just trying to tell me how upset she was, I was so mad that I gave her up on the spot, and I was carrying so much frustration from the two of them that within a couple days i gave up Tihuti too. But after a while, I was so devastated, and for so long, but I was also preoccupied with a brand new baby.

Maybe this is God's/the Universe/Spirit's way of telling me I have choice and can choose to re-adopt him if I want to. Things like this always feel like a sign for me, and fate that it is meant to be.

But, I've readjusted my entire apartment that is not cat friendly. I just bought an aloe plant, and have no cat toys or kitty liter, or food, or a crate, or a place for them to go to the bathroom. However, I could get a crate from my mom's house, and a new liter box is cheap, and food is too. But, I'm painting now. He could walk all over my palette, or my painting. I'd have to find somewhere else to let it dry than the kitchen table. I'd have to adjust things, but it is possible.

So, I'm this fate? What do I do?

He could be a good friend to help me heal. But, I'd have to find other arrangements if ever I wanted to go on vacation. My dad and aunt never let me have my cats back, so I'd have to let friends watch him, or pay a vet to take care of him while I went away.

I'd have to decide quickly because he could be taken by anyone. Is this fate, or is just my powerful ability to manifest things that I think about and God's way of letting me know that he's ok?

Oh, my God...this is surreal!!!!

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